Vanity 2 – Common Sense 0

For most of my life, I wore glasses. They were the thick ones that change the shape of your face when people look at you and were heavy enough to leave dents in your nose. The medical term “myopia” has Greek roots and, loosely translated, means “unable see own face in mirror”.

My first attempt to rid myself of spectacles happened with my first contact lenses. Contacts come with a whole new set of challenges (and pain) but the price of looking good always seems better than the safer path of common sense. I still wonder why you see so many optometrists wearing glasses. If you know someone who wears lenses, just ask them what it’s like to put a torn lens into the eye and then watch as they squint and tear up. Another important lesson learned, to keep my eyes from gumming shut, is to clean the contact lenses more often than I cleaned my hockey equipment.

About five years ago, I decided to fix my problem once and for all. The answer was clear: I needed the safe, simple and proven procedure called Lasik Eye Surgery. After calling several clinics and surveying staff and surgeons with pointed questions like, “So, does it hurt?’ I gathered my research and began eliminating the fluff. The doctor I chose answered that question with, “You understand we’re going to burn your eye with a laser…so…yes, it hurts.” I clearly had my guy and I went through the bizarre experience of voluntarily burning my eyeballs with a light that can also cut metal.

My laser totin’ OD did explain that my eyes, over time, will change and I should expect the onset of far-sightedness. “Hyperopia” it's called and the term has Greek roots (loosely translated, means “unable to read own watch”). Well, I’m there now and the occasion was marked with a cheap pair of reading glasses. Now, I needed to tell you that…because of this.

A recent emarketer.com article detailed a Harris Interactive poll that shows 66% of American internet users feel that the current economic crisis was fuelled, in part, by ad agencies. Huh?

I know some very clever people who work hard in advertising and they craft absolutely stellar campaigns…but I can’t blame any of them for my purchasing things I just don’t need. It’s not an ad agency that convinced me I needed a big screen television and a surround system you can hear from space. I doubt the ad agency will be responsible when I finally break down and buy a ShamWow…or order the OxiClean (if only to make Billy Mays stop yelling at me). And it sure wasn’t the ad agency that convinced me to stop wearing glasses, put fingers in my eyes daily and burn myself with a laser…only to end up buying glasses. A good ad makes a connection with a pre-existing emotion or need and then ties that emotion to an action. I'm the one who has to take the heat for needing to feed my vanity with shiny things.

On a side note, I’m curious to see which ad agency has the foresight to stand up and take credit for the ads that ruined the global economy. I might put something like that at the beginning of a resume.